i think one of my biggest fears in life is that my mom will somehow find this blog and read about all the horrible and awful things i have done. that she will finally realize that i am not as special as she once thought and that i am so terribly flawed and fucked in the head that she will cry herself to sleep and ask her god for a daughter that doesn't break her heart.
luckily she seems to be some decades behind the times when it comes to electronics and the workings of the internet. but there is always the chance my aunt could participate in the foiling of my carefully crafted existence. all she would have to do is google me. that is some scary shit. but i knew my words were out there for the world to read. i just haven't given much thought to how they may affect those that i write about. or those that are not privy to my deepest darkest secrets on the regular.
my mom came to visit me in telluride over valentine's weekend. i was sick the whole time but she cooked me yummy foods and we got to spend an evening at the hotel before she left. her idea of a hotel is the super 8 so lumiere was quite the treat. and it was such a pleasure to be able to give that to her. she means the world to me. and it breaks my heart to think that if she really knew me in all my messiness, she might be disappointed.
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