"Dating is not an option."
That is what I was told recently.
Rejected.
No, that is not the right word. I would have to be a consideration in order to be rejected.
Branded.
Undesired. Unwanted.
I wear it like a badge. Heavy. Constricting.
How am I damaged-goods, but my ex-boyfriend is engaged.
I owe this news to the glory of MySpace.
One minute I’m searching the Internet for Dave Barnes songs, and the next moment I am staring at familiar faces. West coast moves and marriage proposals. A few clicks of the mouse.
Christmas Eve a couple years back I returned home from my friend’s house to find a note by my computer and iTunes looping James Blunt’s song "You’re Beautiful". My ex had left both for me to find. The note read something like I’ll always love you…please don’t try to forget me. Very comical considering he is the one who left me. Traded in our life together for a beautiful tattooed girl who blew him in bar bathrooms and fucked him in the band room while I was home, asleep.
I am better off without him. I know this. But it gets to me. Makes me wrestle trust.
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