i started work yesterday. if you can call it that. i'm working for a caterer. black pants white chef coat. i basically stand around a whole lot and smile and then load up the van. we worked a store opening yesterday. paper twist in southpark. a lot of people with entirely too much money made small talk and feigned fullness off one hors d 'herve. conversations about plastic surgery and binging and purging. girls named sasha and ainsley. (as if the name audrey wasn't a little on the pretentious side). it was all so cliched. i wish i was kidding. it was sad. but the people i worked with were fun and aside from being hit on by a married man, while his wife shopped on the other side of the store (barf), the night went fairly smoothly. we shall see how today fairs.
it's flexible work and the money is good. a few more cleaning jobs have come my way too. so i'm making my way. not sure what way that is, but i'm enjoying it for the most part. i feel like i have a lot of options right now. i'm not tied down to anything so everything is a possibility, in theory. but it's hard to know which choice is best and i'm getting a bit overwhelmed. i retracted my application to turtle island preserve. (which is not actually a turtle farm, kelly! although i enjoy the idea that my breeding box turtles is a plausible one). i realized i didn't want to be secluded from people. i crave that community. and a lot of the things i felt i needed to focus on have fallen into place in the last few weeks. i'm in major processing mode. and it's good, if not exhausting. i want to be able to spend time with my family. to stop saying no to their requests. and i would not have that freedom if i was to commit a year of my life to the wilderness. and let's face it folks, i'm outdoorsy, but i happen to really enjoy hot, running water. call me high maintenance.
my thoughts are still on philly. part of me likes the idea of that stability. although i am uncertain whether or not that actually exists. possibly just an illusion. like control. i am making decisions for myself for the first time in my life. for my best interest. it feels nice. when i can get past that selfish feeling. and then there is part of me that wants to keep moving. not ready to put down roots. see some more sights. transitory. a girl in a van on the open road (not down by the river). i received an email from a photography company in colorado. my email had been bounced back two days after i sent it, so i took that to mean it wasn't meant to be. but yesterday the owner contacted me to set up an interview for the telluride based company. apologized for taking so long to get back to me. he'd been out of town. telluride: the place i loved the most of all my travels. i am so confused. part of me can't help feeling like a sellout. photographing rich people on vacation. and part of me thinks it would be an awesome opportunity. skiing everyday as part of the job. making some connections and getting to be out west. i just don't know at this point. it makes me nervous. but the lord has provided for me thus far and i am just trying to stay open. stop the tunnel vision. i'm going with it. life seems less messy, now. still scattered and unsettled, but not in a bad way. just very different than i am used to. and that's a good thing. a great thing.
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