I'm not going to tell the story the way it happened. I'm going to tell it the way I remember it.

my life is very cinematic. slowly unfolding before my eyes, a series of rewinds and instant replays. always viewing the scene as an outsider. standing just off to the side watching myself navigate the scene. aware of what happens, but unable to do anything about it from this perspective. perhaps this is why i prefer my profile. oddly, it's the perspective i am most accustomed to seeing.

i have a photographic memory of sorts. it came in handy in college, memorizing entire pages of notes, scanning through my mental resources come test time. i could picture my handwriting as if it was scribbled in front of me. but for many memories this recall lends itself to self inflicted torture. playing out a scenario over and over analyzing details, picking at the seams. a film strip of my decisions, my shortcomings, my deficiencies. i rarely revel in the highlights. those details seem less clear. less available in the library of my mind. i can watch my self, my mannerisms, my language. and perhaps that is why i feel more self aware than may be necessary or healthy. and who is to say my perspective is any good. my view may be skewed. my perceptions off. am i a trustworthy point of view?