every time i close my eyes, it's you. and i know now who i am. and i know now.

i startled myself from sleep. too good. not real. you were so close. i could taste your breath. you were so close, i knew it wasn't real. you have always kept me at arms length. but your smile, i can still see it. all this time. all these miles. i can still see that first smile from across the table. the crooked charm that details the voice to follow. i was hooked long before i knew it. but i can't call you or write you because nothing that you say will be what i want to hear. and i have said too much to you.

i startled myself from sleep. warm tears ran down my cheeks. if it's not real, why does it still hurt?