Tuesday, November 25, 2008

the longer I run the less that I find, selling my soul for a nickel and dime.

so many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. the very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. the joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.
-Christopher McCandles

this is the second time i have read these words. once, last year, in the pages of krakauer's novel into the wild, and now, in the adventure tales of aron ralston. i too find myself between a rock and a hard place. i am unemployed. my decision to stay in charlotte has left me with many blessings and new opportunities. and while i feel that this is where i am presently supposed to be, i am finding it difficult to understand the 'whys' of the situation. i gave up my eight to five work week for the open road, and while the initial transition to free spirit was a little daunting, i feel a tremendous crushing weight when i consider the concept of holding another traditional occupation. something heavy sitting on my chest. i am pressed by my financial burdens. mounting debt. student loans. but i don't want to race into any old job because i am fearful i will not be provided for. i did that the first time around. falling into the sign shop position. it took me so long to pull myself out of my contrived notions of success. and i have been well cared for this long in life. a foster family of amazing friends. and yet i consider my options limited. how? how can i still trust so little?

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