there's a teardrop on your shoulder, says this is the time of times.

if you think about someone hard enough, long enough, do you think it's possible they could feel it? that somehow they would know? definitely, maybe.
this weekend provided an abundance of answered prayers. random. unexpected. god is good, but i am worn out from the growth process. i took yesterday off to unwind. a little alone time in the woods, running trails and racing thoughts. some quality quiet time. and i settled into my week by organizing, vacuuming, laundry and baking. chores for my heart. seemingly tedious tasks that bring me great pleasure and peace.

Just finishing up in the kitchen, i received a text. presumably a smart ass exchange from my roommate, but alarmingly received from an unknown 910 number. wilmington. the message attached could only be from two possible people. i guessed kim. my assumption was correct. my ex-boyfriend's older sister. my very good friend. but i hadn't heard from her in two years. i had just spent the weekend in holden beach. driving down the main drag through shallotte, i was reminded of her and her daughter, madeline. the first child i got to know. met her at three months old and watched her grow into a toddler. she called me fruit loop. and won my heart. i love her. and i have missed her. my own desire for children has led my thoughts back to her. the years i got to spend as her 'aunt'. and now, i am unexpectedly reconnected. good but overwhelming. driving through town i let the past wash over me. just be. i didn't dwell in that place. instead i made new memories. fun friends. good food and adventure.

now back in charlotte, she wants to email me. to catch up. i miss her, but am unsure how to navigate a friendship. my ex hurt me so severely. more than i had originally understood. it has taken me a long time to get to the comfortable place i am resting in. i am at peace. but it upsets me that a friendship with her could result in his undeserved knowledge of my life. how can i know her again and keep him separate? is that even a healthy path to tread?

i spent the night on the couch, watching juno and my roommate's methodical laundry folding. no closer to an understanding, but comforted by the good choices i have been making. confident i will find a way through this as well.

[my "almost'' niece and nephew. i got to watch him be born-ed]